Broken October

 Glee's Don't Speak from last week "Breakup" episode that coincidentally relate to what I hate to feel right now.

Feeling tired, sad, bitter, hurt and heartbroken, I guess October isn't a good month, to begin with. It hurts because it matters. It's scary how the person you thought you knew so well and understand the most turned his back on you and changed into someone that you don't even know. Yes, we broke up. There will be no longer 'us', it's now you and me alone walking away in separate ways. As sudden as it seems, yes I never see this coming myself as well. They say everything will be fine, hopefully I'll be fine soon too cause life goes on. As time goes on, I’ll understand. What lasts, lasts; what doesn’t, doesn’t. Time solves most things. And what time can’t solve, I have to solve yourself. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

I guess this is the end of our story.

To a tougher and stronger future me. 

xx

Here comes the fighter

Yuhooooo, I am back again after a long weekend including today, another public holiday in Sarawak (: And yes it's June already! After a few more weeks, we would be entering into the second half of 2012. So you know how they say new month, new beginning and speaking of which we actually have 12 chances in a year to have a new beginning. May was considered quite awesome after a  major breakdown somewhere in April, I guess sometimes things have to fall apart to make way for better things. So, I was hibernating at home for the whole month of May, doing what I do best, well fed and pampered besides having a couple of good things going on as well. Now that June has arrived, I've been anticipating for this one news in order to put my sorrow to an end. Surprisingly, it was out earlier than all of us expected - OUR FINALS RESULT. I've passed my other two modules(!) but I still have to resit for the module that I've flunked earlier. To be honest, I still can't get over the fact that I screwed it up once or maybe it's just the asian kia-su genes in me overreacting.  But the thought of screwing it up again is really driving me up the wall, which would be probably the last thing I wanna do. A swirl of emotions I couldn't quite pin down. I think about it every night before I go to bed...and I ended up having a hard time falling asleep. I know how unusual it is of me to dump  everything out  here but I just can't help it. 

This is exactly how I feel. 

I've learned that life isn't a bed of roses and how it can seem so daunting at times. People may go like, duh it's just a paper, why so emo.. I even said that I'm fine but I don't get it either why am I babbling about this all over again, eff emotions ahhh it must be the cabin fever. No matter what are the odds, I still have to face it. I can do this, I can make it through!

Be confident. Too many days are wasted comparing ourselves to others and wishing to be something that we aren't. 

I want to taste and glory in each day, and never be afraid to experience pain; and never shut myself up in a numb core of non feeling, or stop questioning and criticizing life and take the easy way out. To learn and think: to think and live; to live and learn: this always, with new insight, new understanding, and new love.   

                                                                                                                                           — Sylvia Plath

Makes me that much stronger

Makes me work a little bit harder

It makes me that much wiser

So thanks for making me a fighter

Made me learn a little bit faster

Made my skin a little bit thicker

Makes me that much smarter

So thanks for making me a fighter. 

There's a fighter somewhere underneath this skin and bones; When you stop fighting, you stop living. We all need that thing that’s worth fighting for. Maybe it’s a certain someone, or a special place, maybe just an idea. So find your right, and fight like hell, till your battle is won. 

把握生命中的每一分钟，全力以赴我们心中的梦，不经历风雨怎么见彩虹，没有人能随随便便成功。

You have the strength, patience and passion to achieve your goal, all you have to do is TRY. 

Last but not least, to all the fighters out there! ヽ(´▽｀；)/♪



xx

Cheers to the freakin' weekend!

First and foremost, a big big apology to my readers (if there are still any around) for the sudden hiatus. Been busy preparing for my practical exam ever since I got back from Terengganu last Saturday. Fyi, I'm now on my sem break, finally some time to rest after a crazy and jam packed semester. All these while, I've been anticipating for my 3 months sem break to come but not anymore. Shit just happens, I'm utterly disappointed with myself.

Life is like a ferris wheel, at one moment you were high up as if you're an inch away from touching the clouds but a moment later, everything fall apart and you are down at your lowest and everything fall apart, on the verge of breaking down. In fact, I've surrendered myself and gave it all out. Although sometimes circumstances will force me to fall on your knees, at the end of the day, I still have to keep calm and get up cause life's too short to be sittin' round miserable ╮(╯▽╰)╭ ♪ I'm just thankful to have such supportive family, friends and classmates, it wouldn't be possible without you guys around supporting me.

There's a fighter somewhere underneath this skin and bones. 

“ Chin up. Put your shoulders back, walk proud, strut a little. Don’t lick your wounds: celebrate them. The scars you bear are the signs of a competitor. You’re in a lion fight. Just because you didn’t win doesn’t mean you don’t know how to roar. — Grey’s Anatomy

A note to self; it's not the end. 

“ Next time you’re stressed, take a step back, inhale and laugh. Remember who you are and why you’re here. You’re never given anything in this world that you can’t handle. Be strong, be flexible, love yourself, and love others. Always remember, just keep moving forward.

So PL0520, I have no other choice but to see you again. No worries guys, I'm all fine now. I'm strong, remember? I will update soon, promise (:

xx

Goodbye May;

I'm not sure if I should even say Hi in the first place because I reckoned that all my readers have shifted somewhere else, in search of an active blog *clearing spider webs and dust* Not that I'm not active, I do go online everyday just that my mind automatically turns blank whenever I click on the new post button. I'm definitely more active on twitter, feel free to follow me if you haven't :D

So here we are, almost halfway through 2011. What have you done so far this year? Be it memorable or disastrous. June wouldn't be much of a fun month to me, life has been hectic yet mundane ever since I started working. 24 hours a day never seem to be enough for me; wake up work sleep wake up work sleep for 7 days a week. Being stuck at work leads me to have nothing to blog about as well, unless you wouldn't mind lending me your ear to hear me rant. I fell sick over the weekend but I'm doing fine now (:

The only two things that I'm excited about June; Pretty Little Liars Season 2 will be out soon on the 14th while my result will be out somewhere around the 3rd week(it better!), which was actually supposed to be out this week FML Mahsa boleh!

My one and only #junewish - July to come faster.

Some random shots I took the last week;

She insisted to have her hair cut short again (:

Blah blah blah bye
Keep calm and work my butt off..

If only I have something better to blog about;
For now.

xx

Bummed out

When you’re struggling with something, look at all the people around you and realize that every single person you see is struggling with something, and to them, it’s just as hard as what you’re going through. —Nicholas Sparks

I'm in dire need of a proper time management and shitloads of brain juices. Or prolly kisses on the forehead and hugs will do too ♥ Time is certainly running out and my tummy has been upset since yesterday. Unbalanced hormones got me cranky too, this is not good. I need something to excite me right now. At the same time, I'm trying hard not to stress up with so many things that are yet to be done. Oh March, you snake in the grass!!

xx

Mixed feelings

Something just doesn't feel right. I wish I could explain why but I can't. I guess it's just one of those random day when I'm struck with sadness for no reason. My mind has been lost lately and I just don't understand anything anymore. I want it back, I want my life back.

I wanted to blog a proper update (there's so much to tell!) but I can’t because currently, I'm tied down with so much tasks on hands. I'm so so dead, I haven't even started on the sponsored post from Nuffnang which dues on the first week of March and I still have 2 major summative assignments yet to be done. So many stuffs yet so little time. Bless my soul, one more month to finals. Life sucks cause it’s no fun being so occupied that I have to missed a few events. I'm even down with severe cough, mild flu and sorethroat to an extend that I actually lost my voice. Thank God that I'm feeling better now but I still have the cough, annoying much. I srsly can't wait for Friday alrdy <3 It's gonna be another early weekend for me woohoo (not that I'm complaining)

& I know this post is kinda pointless but I just feel better after letting it all out. I'm best at ranting, don't you know? Geez goodnight!

xx

Who said today was a fairytale?

Eff you, Taylor Swift LOL

I've discovered as I’ve grown up that life is far more complicated than you think when you’re a kid. It isn’t just a straight forward fairy — Rachel McAdams

Maybe I was too naive to believe that fairy tale with happy ending do exist but now it does prove me wrong. So I guess that's the end of our story. We ended it up nicely for a better cause. To be honest, I never see this coming. Never. Initially, I was eggcited to write a summary of how awesome year 2010 was to me but maybe .... not anymore so yeah life still has to go on! Chin up, Hilda :D I just gotta suck it up and accept it. I still have my supportive family and a bunch of friends that care for me. Most importantly, the big boss up there (:

xx

I'm actually in a shitty mood

because of:

1.) my sore throat + flu
2.) it's my final week naoz
3.) i miss everyone back at home and the baby boy
4.) i'm too lazy to even shower or eat but im hungry zz
5.) i have no fucking idea that I can't even type properly

ANGER BLOGZ xx

Honey got some boobies like wow, oh wow

I screwed up my Maths paper yesterday. Big time.

OH FACK and it's June already, I seriously didn't see that coming -___-

I've done w/ the 2 killer papers, 7 more to go woots

xx

280510

Happiness does not come from what happened to you,

but how you respond to situations. — common sense

Monday bluez

Haro, I just got slayed by integration by parts today. How great! I was too frustrated so I threw my broadband from the 18th floor of my condominium.

Rest in pieces );

SO NOT! HAHAHA, I broke it when I dropped my laptop this morning. OUCH! You can imagine how hard it fell by the look of the NEW broadband -__- Sobs ))): Last two week, I broke a memory card now I broke my broadband --; Hardcore much? (It sounds so wrong LOL) It's my nature I guess sigh My mum will kill me if she finds out *gulp*I think taking bath with limau bali might help to tolak all the bala I'm having recently FML to the max!

Btw, do you remember the post that I mentioned about receiving a good news from Joeann that cheer up my day a little? So this is it!

I've received the dress I bought online from tictactoe28 YAY

It's a tube dress with some ruffles on the tube

I love the details of it (:

What a coincidence that this dress is also blue, so it kinda match my post title? LMAO Pardon me for being lame. I'll take a photo of me wearing it okay? Not today for sure but soon heh Anyways, have a great week everyone!

A memory card just fucked my life

According to Nadd, my previous post was one of a hell proper update :D but this is going to be a random one.

My parents bought this lucky kid a PSP (limited edition somemore -__-) when they were on a family vacation to Kuching earlier this month. Since then, it became her new toy which she brings everywhere she goes and she spends most of her time on it.

Last Sunday, I transferred all the songs in her PSP to my laptop (apparently the memory card was full) and I was trying to transfer an episode of ANTM from my laptop to her PSP to see if I can watch with it. Unfortunately it couldn't cause it doesn't support my video file format but then I didn't bother to transfer back the songs into her PSP.

Later tonight (photos of her in her pyjamas), she told me she wanted to listen to songs on her PSP so I took out her memory card to transfer back her songs. The moment I insert the memory card into my card reader, I was too clumsy that I broke her memory card not into two but there was an obvious mark on it and it was now a bit bend ): So I quickly insert it back to the PSP and it said NO MEMORY CARD INSERTED!

OMFG, I AM IN TERRIBLE DEEP SHIT, WHICH MEANS I HAVE TO BUY HER A NEW MEMORY CARD AND IT'S 4 EFFING GB BIG AND YES I'M GOING TO BE OFFICIALLY BROKE D: TOO BAD MONEY DOESN'T GROW ON TREES WHICH I SECRETLY WISH IT WILL HAPPEN ONE DAY SIGH FML VERY MUCH! NOW I'M FEELING VERY GUILTY CAUSE I'M ALWAYS THE ONE WHO SPOILED EVERYTHING. AT THE SAME TIME, I WAS MAD AT MYSELF AT MYSELF FOR BEING SO CLUMSY? ( I don't usually type w caps lock on so I guess you know how am I feeling right now) There goes my last month's savings $.$

Same shit, different days *slits wrist*

Just so you know

Sometimes when I say “I’m okay”, I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight, and say, “I know you’re not.”

I'm telling you now that I'm not okay. I'm utterly disappointed of myself.

I've always had this thing with examination halls. They are like the scariest battlefield ever, worst than the nightmares that wake me up in the middle of the night. I'll definitely be defeated badly if I'm not well prepared which procrastination is the first thing to blame most of the time. I think I've screwed 2 out of 5 papers this time FML 3 more to go and I'm not excited anymore --;

I'm such a failure, don't you think?

xx

'Cause I'm bluffin with ma muffin

Hey Hilda, who:

had a bad day, is crying your heart out, is battling suicide, is dying to have someone to talk to, is nursing a broken heart, is sick of broken promises, doesn’t want to hurt anymore, keeps trying and failing, is tired of disappointment, wants to give up, wishes someone cares, wants to be loved, is afraid, wants to make a difference.

Who knows somebody out there might thought of you tonight?

So hey you, keep your faith, somebody cares.Sooner or later, that someone will come.

xx

There goes Vee-day

All the single ladies, now put your hands up! *singing while doing the Beyonce's dance* :p

Screw Valentine's Day

I'm alone. It's meaningless.

xx

Perfectly lonely

Life is too short,

Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness,
Laugh when you can,
Apologize when you should,
And let go of what you can’t change.

Love deeply,
And forgive quickly,
Take chances,
Give everything,
And have no regrets.

Life is too short to be unhappy,
You have to take the good with the bad,
Smile when you’re sad,
Love what you’ve got,
And always remember what you had.

Always forgive,
But never forget,
Learn from your mistakes,
But never regret.

People change,
And things go wrong,
But always remember,
Life goes on.

xx

Another Wednesday without you

I used to look out for everyone but me.
Everyone’s needs, especially yours, were put before my own.
I made many apologies for things which was never my fault;
I gave into many things that I didn’t want to.
I forgave many things that I should have never forgiven.
And after all that I realize that you can never forget & words do hurt.

Feeling more helpless

It's raining heavily outside and so is inside.

I couldn't help myself any longer.

And the same song keeps playing on music player.

xx

Someday you will be loved

Sometimes when you look back on a relationship, you realize it wasn't all you thought it was. Someone walked into your life, you fell in love, or did you? Maybe it was only a childish infatuation. Or maybe it was a brief moment of insanity. Or perhaps it was the fear of being alone that conquered your whole being to an extend where you will be desperately in need to be in a relationship.

I'm a strong girl that can keep her shit in line - and with tears running, she still manages to spit the simple words: I'm Fine.

enough said;

xx

I miss you

We think we need so many useless things, when all we really need is time to breathe.

xx